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The Affordable Hunting Lease Act

The Affordable Hunting Lease Act

The U.S. government has just passed a new law called: "The Affordable Hunting Lease Act" declaring that every citizen MUST purchase a new hunting lease, by April 2014. These "affordable" hunting leases will cost an average of $24,000-$350,000 annually. This does not include taxes, food plots, tractors, ATVs, UTVs, supplements, game cameras, treestands, cover scents, attractants, licenses or tags.

This law has been passed, because until now, typically only wealthy and financially responsible people have been able to purchase hunting leases. This new law ensures that every American can now have an "affordable" hunting lease of their own, because everyone is "entitled" to a hunting lease. If you purchase your hunting lease before the end of the year, you will receive 4 "free" safety harnesses; not including monthly usage fees. All game harvested on your affordable hunting lease must be processed by a government approved meat processor. 

In order to make sure everyone purchases an affordable hunting lease, the costs of owning a hunting lease will increase an average of 250-400% per year. This way, wealthy people will pay more for something that other people don't want or can't afford to maintain. But to be fair, people who can't afford to maintain their hunting lease will be regularly fined and children (under the age of 26) can use their parents’ hunting lease to mud bog and spotlight on until they turn 27; then they must purchase their own hunting lease.

If you already have a hunting lease, you can keep yours (just kidding; no you can't). If you don't want or don't need a hunting lease, you are required to buy one anyhow. If you refuse to buy one or can’t afford one, you will be regularly fined $1800 until you purchase one, or you may have your driver’s license revoked and face imprisonment.

Failure to use the hunting lease will also result in fines. People living inside the city limits, who travel a majority of the year, are physically unable to hunt, or who live in areas with no reasonable access to hunting grounds are not exempt. Age, the fear of heights, experience, knowledge, PETA membership or lack of desire are not acceptable excuses for not using your hunting lease.

A government review board (that doesn't know the difference between an elk and moose) will decide everything, including when, where, how often and for what purposes you can use your hunting lease, along with how many people can hunt your lease and determine if one is too old or healthy enough to be able to use their hunting lease. They will also decide if your hunting lease has outlived its usefulness or if you must purchase specific upgrades (like $2500 box blinds) or a newer and more expensive hunting lease. 

Those who can afford a full blown ranch (including 12,000 square foot lodges) will be required to do so...it’s only fair. The government will also decide the name for each hunting lease. Failure to comply with these rules will result in fines and possible imprisonment.

Government officials are exempt from this new law. If they want a hunting lease, they and their families can obtain hunting leases for free, at the expense of taxpayers. Unions, bankers and mega companies with large political affiliations ($$$) are also exempt. While every American citizen will now be forced to purchase an affordable hunting lease (or face previously discussed penalties), it should also be noted that the “Affordable Hunting Lease Act” does not have any plan of action for increasing the number of game wardens, meat processors, or Department of Game and Fish employee work force. The act will however spend over $500 million (of taxpayers’ money) on a website that may or may not work until the deadline to purchase an affordable hunting lease has passed.

Obviously this “Affordable Hunting Lease Act” is a spoof, but the chuckle it may have provoked should have also been a gasp. If the government can force you to buy health care, dictate how you use it and how much it costs, it could be scary what you’ll be forced to purchase next.